29 July 2005

The Haole's Evil Drinks



We have our pleasures in Hawaii. They are natural in nature. They are perfect in performance. They are not artificial stimulants. I report to you on the haole and his poisoned water. This information comes from an Air Force site, from a secret organization within, with whom your happy local Tiki had a happy 22 year relationship. Check this sh** out, bra:

--"How about vodka and milk of magnesia? A Phillip's screwdriver."

--"The first several times you drink moonshine, it should be done on the buddy system.   You have your buddy hold a gun on you to force you to chug a shot, then you hold the gun on your buddy while he chugs one.   After going back and forth two or three times, you forget about the taste and begin wondering why your lips are numb. Some people are quick learners and will hold the gun on themselves for subsequent sessions."

--"Any of you [location confidential] survivors remember a drink we called a "Dramboozer"? ... It wasn't really a bad drink, but it was totally lethal.   It was a shot of Drambuie - shot glass and all - dropped upright into a large, frosty mug of cold beer (your choice)... "
  
--"Ouzo mixed with Tang."
  
--"Vodka and iced tea."
 
--"Gin and tang."

--"... a couple of thermoses of liquid nitrogen mixed with a couple of gallons of Everclear.   After the nitrogen boiled away and the 'slush' was scooped out, the resulting two or three quarts was mixed with grape juice."

--"Some green tea, some Old Crow, some saki, some absinthe, some 151 rum. Mix all in a big container."

--"Equal parts vodka and Nyquil. Best mixed in a blender because the Nyquil is so thick."

--"Vodka and grape soda."

--"Scotch and Drambuie, equally mixed."

--"Mojo: one metal 33-gallon trash can.   5 bottles of scotch, 5 bottles of Canadian, 5 bottles of vodka, 5 bottles of run, a lot of ice, and fill to the brim with Hawaiian Punch."  

--"Absinthe.   Real absinthe, not the stuff legal to sell in the US that you see advertised online."

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