02 August 2005

Now I Tell You Why Talks Stalled


You old friend Kim here. You've probably seen me on TV, in such shows as "A Double Ration of Rice? You Wish!" and the wildly popular (at least in Hawaii, according to the Honolulu Pravadiser) soap opera, "Emperor of the Nukes." I ain't gonna talk about that Southpark junk "Team America" junk right now. Maybe I talk later after my pal Michael Moore gets finished stalking Parker & Stone.

Anyway, I wanna put a shout out to the world and tell you you're my homeys. And furthermore, I got a real itchy finger. My real itchy finger is very close to this big red button on my desk. And I've got about fourteen social diseases, so DON'T MESS WITH ME.

Lately, I'm really taking it in the a** over this whole "talks" business. What means talks? Man, I can talk all day. I got a mouthful of talk to speak about.

I sure am glad I got Communist China on my side. Man, if Mao was gone, I don't know what I'd do. Probably cut the peasants' rations again. Anyway, I got this American Chris Hill over a barrel right now. Just stick with me. I can delay and cut and negotiate and refuse all day long, until I'm an old man, and no one's gonna do anything about it.

So you can just bite me.

I apologize for straying from my TikiPundit mandate to report only on hi-tech. I know that politics and statesmanship is really, really low-tech. I'm saying, chimps agree quicker to treaties than I do. That's because I'm so smart. And chimps are not.

I bet, if you put 50 chimps in a room with 50 typewriters, they couldn't come up with Juche principles inside of a million years. So I'm smart.

Now please excuse me while I go smoke a Partagas and watch some Western porn.


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