21 August 2005

Tiki's Heiau -- Only Known Photograph

TikiPundit's Heiau. Photograph circa 1880.

I wanted to show you a picture of my heiau. A heiau is a temple comprised of a stone platform, sometimes with structures built upon it. As you can see, there are no structures on my heiau. That's because I had houses and buildings elsewhere. How low-rent of a Polynesian god do you think I am?? You think your friendly local Hawaiian god's gonna live down on the cold stone? Come on! I know about futons and air conditioning and Viking ranges.

According to the Big Dummy's Guide to Deities, structures on the platform were used to house priests, sacred ceremonial drums, sacred items, and idols representing the gods associated with that particular temple. There were also altars on which to offer sacrifices (plant, animal and human).

The photographer who took this picture, one John Harrison Browne of England, was later eaten by sharks arranged by yours truly, when his ship, the HMS Lollypop, went down in a surprisingly sudden storm. The local government should remember that next time they decide to raise taxes to pay for a railroad for which they have not yet planned.


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