07 October 2005

The VVLF and Me. And My Lawsuit.

My Fellow Americans,
I want to report to you that I have decided to sue a scurrilous organization that seeks to defame and impugn my character. And my character is not to be trifled with. So I will use all the lackeys, sycophants, lapdogs and other so-called supporters to further my goal of ruling you being selected to be your President in 2008.

Just like my Botox injections were not to be trifled with during my successful 2004 Presidential Campaign (capitalizations mine). I did not find the attitude of Americans to be acceptable about this.

The Vietnam Veterans Legacy Foundation (with a dot org suffix on their web site, indicating their non-profit status) is a collection of rude, crude and socially unacceptable partisans fighting on the side of truth.

It is this truth that I cannot accept. I have a problem with that. The truth, I mean.

I have a problem with the their truth.

The divulging of my checkered (chequered) military career back in 2004 can change nothing.

I am what I am. And I am also what I am not.

You know that. Those millions of you who voted for me knew that a long time ago. You knew it when you spent Christmas with me in Cambodia, back in the day.

I am a long-serving Senator from a disinterested and politically unimportant state.

Furthermore, I am a white tyrant of the plantation type. I am a well-fed, deserving Prot who was born to occupy the White House.

And, I am well-spoken, educated and liberal.

These are my primary qualifications to tell you what to do.

I was gifted with a golden spoon. (I did not stick it up my nose and snort cocaine, so far as you know. And if anyone says I did anything illegal or unethical, you'll receive faxes, letters, summonses and miscellany from my cronies, although not from me. Due to my innate cowardice and WASP sense of covering my a**.)

Because of my lofty moral standards and need to protect my a** for a run in 2008, I have machined and politicked a group of running-dogs to sue the Vietnam Veterans Legacy Foundation for defaming my character and other accurate misinterpretations of my status and standing as one of your betters.

Let it be known that I performed the following in Vietnam:
--I served for months.
--I spent Christmas away from home.
--I was willing to give up the service I owed by contract (but only to further the American government by running for sweet REMF offices in CONUS).
--I do not tolerate dissent in the ranks. Or from outside the ranks. And I'll sue anybody who says otherwise.
--I spent a damn Christmas in Cambodia. Or so I say. It looked like Cambodia. Or Vietnam. Maybe southern China. Those trees, rivers and people all looked alike to me.
--I am an American Hero in the image of John F. Kennedy Jimmy Earl Carter and I will not have my reputation discredited by people who pulled the toughest missions or won the Medal of Honor. Or any other miscreants and low-life under-performers.
--If my reputation is to be discredited, I can darn well do it on my own, anytime I want, merely by appearing in public in sports clothes or by cursing out Secret Service agents.

And finally:
--I'll sue, and sue again, to reclaim my right to the American Throne.

So take that, VVLF!

Yours in collegiality and sycophantism,


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